I've been meaning to put this in here but just haven't had a chance. My friend Lisa Consolo posted this on Facebook a while back. It's actually an excerpt from her book that she's writing. Read on...it's kinda funny (to me at least!). Something to look forward to!
The older I get, the
less I know. This can be confirmed by my teenagers.
The Terrible Two’s
have nothing on the Terrible Teens. Remember when you struggled to understand
the babbling tirade of your inconsolable two-year-old? Now that I can
understand the hurtful statements and deliberate actions launched at me, I long
for the days of the garbled temper tantrum.
What happened to the
handy books to guide you through the stages of parenthood? "What to Expect
when You’re Expecting". "What to Expect During the Early Years".
Where is the book "How to Take Cover During the Teen Years"? The
Beatles summed it up in three words…Mother’s Little Helper.
Age is not an
indicator that we are entering into the teen years. Teen years start very early
now. Mostly due to the media and bovine growth hormone. I asked the doctor why
BGH is not having the same effect on my bust line as it is on my 10-year-old. I
drink milk! (Apparently the positive effects of milk are going toward combating
osteoporosis. But I digress.)
The loss of certain
parental activities now that you have teenagers is a bit heart-wrenching. These
losses include making air noises in fat necks, smacking butts while chasing up
the stairs, calling pet names like “moo” (accidentally in front of friends, of
course). I also no longer get called my pet name, “moo-moo”. “Mother” and “Mom”
or “Her” all get enunciated with clarity and exasperated inflection.
As an adult, we have
the fleeting expectation that our teens will now be able “help” because they
are physically able. Helping with tasks like make-the-bed, or
put-the-dish-in-the-dishwasher would alleviate some of my domestic duties.
But, alas, these requests fall on deaf ears as the messes get bigger. How cute
was it when you watched your toddler master the round-peg-in-the-round-hole? It
now brings tears of joy to my eyes when the teen masters
misshapen-pants-in-the-square-laundry-basket. How’s that for large motor
skills.
And how is it that my
teen cannot hear what I am saying as I say it in the loudest possible decibel I
can muster (which causes the burning sensation of a burst artery in my neck),
yet they can hear the silent ringing of their cell phone buried in their
backpack three floors away?
There are many
parenting techniques that disappeared over time and I think we should bring
back. For instance, what ever happened to "Finishing Schools"? When
did it become so bad to send your teen away to get “finished”? Send the teen
away during the years when they hate you, then get them back when they love you
again. It’s a win-win situation.
Is it all worth it? I
hope so. My parents survived raising five kids. As a weekly gift to my mom, I
relive the horror stories so she can rightfully say “what-comes-around-goes
around” and the like. And every now and then I see the light at the end of the
tunnel, when my teen comes home from school and asks, “How was your day
moo-moo?”
