Saturday, June 16, 2012

Something to look forward to

I've been meaning to put this in here but just haven't had a chance.  My friend Lisa Consolo posted this on Facebook a while back.  It's actually an excerpt from her book that she's writing.  Read's kinda funny (to me at least!). Something to look forward to!

The older I get, the less I know. This can be confirmed by my teenagers.

 The Terrible Two’s have nothing on the Terrible Teens. Remember when you struggled to understand the babbling tirade of your inconsolable two-year-old? Now that I can understand the hurtful statements and deliberate actions launched at me, I long for the days of the garbled temper tantrum.

 What happened to the handy books to guide you through the stages of parenthood? "What to Expect when You’re Expecting". "What to Expect During the Early Years". Where is the book "How to Take Cover During the Teen Years"? The Beatles summed it up in three words…Mother’s Little Helper.

Age is not an indicator that we are entering into the teen years. Teen years start very early now. Mostly due to the media and bovine growth hormone. I asked the doctor why BGH is not having the same effect on my bust line as it is on my 10-year-old. I drink milk! (Apparently the positive effects of milk are going toward combating osteoporosis. But I digress.)

The loss of certain parental activities now that you have teenagers is a bit heart-wrenching. These losses include making air noises in fat necks, smacking butts while chasing up the stairs, calling pet names like “moo” (accidentally in front of friends, of course). I also no longer get called my pet name, “moo-moo”. “Mother” and “Mom” or “Her” all get enunciated with clarity and exasperated inflection.

As an adult, we have the fleeting expectation that our teens will now be able “help” because they are physically able. Helping with tasks like make-the-bed, or put-the-dish-in-the-dishwasher​ would alleviate some of my domestic duties. But, alas, these requests fall on deaf ears as the messes get bigger. How cute was it when you watched your toddler master the round-peg-in-the-round-hole? It now brings tears of joy to my eyes when the teen masters misshapen-pants-in-the-square-​laundry-basket. How’s that for large motor skills.

And how is it that my teen cannot hear what I am saying as I say it in the loudest possible decibel I can muster (which causes the burning sensation of a burst artery in my neck), yet they can hear the silent ringing of their cell phone buried in their backpack three floors away?

There are many parenting techniques that disappeared over time and I think we should bring back. For instance, what ever happened to "Finishing Schools"? When did it become so bad to send your teen away to get “finished”? Send the teen away during the years when they hate you, then get them back when they love you again. It’s a win-win situation.

Is it all worth it? I hope so. My parents survived raising five kids. As a weekly gift to my mom, I relive the horror stories so she can rightfully say “what-comes-around-goes around” and the like. And every now and then I see the light at the end of the tunnel, when my teen comes home from school and asks, “How was your day moo-moo?”

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